your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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