Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
