And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
