Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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