I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
