Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
