Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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