Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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