Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize