woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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