I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
