I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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