So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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