Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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