Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
