If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
