I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
