make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
