my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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