whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
