Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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