Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
