I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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