There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize