i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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