i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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