Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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