I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
