And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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