so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
