I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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