how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
