I'm jealous of your bromance
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
