You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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