Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
