I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
