Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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