Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
