I am spending my child support on dildos
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
