dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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