Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
