It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
