U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
