Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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