Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
