I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
