I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Bring me that man meat
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
