i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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