Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
