i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
