well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
