Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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