Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
