Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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