You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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