Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's the barista slut.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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