I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
