sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
