Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
