sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
