I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
where are you?
Hypothermia
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
