haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
