You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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