Having a random hookup so left but love u
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize